The pain of losing a loved one.

You'll never ever understand even if you say that you try to put yourself in my shoes.

I don't need sympathy.

I don't need you to give me that look,
as if you understand.

But you don't.

Coz you don't feel the pain.

You don't.

I admit that I am losing my sanity these few days.
Too many things coming together.
Too many.
Too many.

I am losing grip of myself.
I am losing control of my tears.

They just drop off so uncontrollably.

I find them streaming down
when I am on the mrt to school,
when I reach school and the first person asked me, " What happened to you?"
when the principal is talking during the assembly,
when I am on the mrt back home.

Yes. streaming down.
I tried my best to turn my face away from the commuters or just stop the tears.
But they just keep coming down.

And I find them trying to trickle down during lectures and tutorials, but I tried, I really tried, and I stopped them just in time.

Yesterday is really horrible.

Other than the morning events that took place as mentioned in the previous post, I found myself panicking after realising that my com crashed and I cannot open MICROSOFT and my PW documents, included my edited FINAL PI cannot be opened.

Yes, I was shocked.

AND PI must be handed in next day.

And I have no time to finish or print it as I have to go back to ah ma's hse at night.

Then with no choice as I still cannot recover MICROSOFT , I went to cousin's hse and tried to retype most of the info and finished the thing within around 1.5 hour which I would usually take around 4 hours perhaps.

Though it is not totally finished yet, we are already VERY late.

And yes, my cousin's printer is not working and I have to ask someone else to print for me.

Btw, frankly speaking although I lost the opportunity of delivering my exco speech on wed, and hence lost the opportunity to be in the exco, but I have no regrets.

If given the same predicament again, I will still give up the opportunity.

What I need is concern, not sympathy.

But its too late now.

And yes, I realise something, sometimes, thats no need to explain verbally.

Because this wastes your effort in dealing with cynical people.

Yes, CYNICAL people, or rather IGNORANT?

Hence I see no need in explaining to some people when they ask me," What happen to you yesterday?"

Because their tone is.......ludicrous.

That flippant attitude totally pisses me off and get a damnshit out of me.

You must be worse than a beast now to insult me.

Yes.

Insults will not be fuckingly entertained.

  ¶ 4:51 PM